I didn't practice self-care until I had to. To be honest for most of my teenage years, I didn't even know what it was to care for yourself. I had a difficult, complicated upbringing which involved parental divorce and domestic abuse that spanned ten years and no real life role models. I found it hard to take care of my emotions because I was constantly living in fear. I found it hard to care for my body because someone else was hurting it. I found it hard to care for my mind because I had their voice in my ear telling me how disgusting I was.
Luckily the people in my life who did those things to me are no longer part of it - although they are still around - and it's not something I tolerate. I know my worth, after years of searching for it. I found it. I made it out. It took copious amounts of therapy and lifestyle changes but I learned how to love and care for myself along the way.
Self-care is a hugely important part of my life and was an integral part of my recovery plan when I was working with the mental health service who saved my life. I learned that it's a wide, varied and sometimes difficult thing to care for yourself - but it is always worth it. Always. Sometimes it doesn't feel like it'll help, it feels impossible to do the dishes or put away the laundry. Sometimes I'll cry on the walk to work and then proceed to have a fun, supportive shift. Sometimes it feels indulgent to put on fresh bed sheets or to follow a 5 step skincare routine.
Self-care can be pretty, with indulgence and flowers and Lush bath bombs. But it can also be ugly - hours and energy spent on therapy, on reading up on trauma, on forcing yourself to go to work when it feels impossible to step outside. Something I've learned recently is that your one true job in this lifetime is to feel good. We owe it to ourselves to make our everyday wonderful. To find magic in the small moments. To care for ourselves the way we've always deserved but perhaps haven't always experienced. To process the things that hurt us and to let them go. We deserve beauty and comfort and joy every day. It's our inherent right to be alive.
Here's what self-care looks like to me right now...
• Drinking Juicy Water out of a vintage crystal glass.
• Re-reading Gabriella Rosie and Gala Darling's Instagram captions.
• Buying bras in the next size up so they fit me comfortably.
• Journaling and pulling tarot upon waking.
• Committing to weekly chapters of Gala Darling's Radical Radiance, following the EFT sequences and taking lots of notes.
• Spending time outside every day. No exceptions.
• Making use of my Sighh meal planner.
• Managing my budget strictly but allotting funds for treats.
• Confronting someone who had hurt me with grace, calm and diplomacy.
• Balancing time online with personal quiet time.
• Listening to my 'bad bitch' Spotify playlist at every available opportunity.
• Having matter-of-fact conversations with my managers about my mental health.
• My daily hour playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons.
• Reframing my thoughts around working during Covid-19.
• Buying myself flowers bi-weekly.
• Putting energy, thought and taking tangible steps towards my dream of moving out.
• Taking nudes for my eyes only.
• Keeping track of my mood in my bullet journal so I can spot patterns and adjust my lifestyle accordingly.
What does self-care look like to you right now? Could you add any of my practices to your list?
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